Posted by Candice from 184.108.40.206 (host-27-52.dsl-sea.seanet.com) on Monday, April 01, 2002 at 11:18:04 :
You asked for it, you got it.
Thursday in Zihua: The Message Board Party
We arrive at Daniel’s promptly at 5 pm. There are long tables set up in the sand. I spot Judy immediately, standing on a table with a large flowered and ruffled lampshade on her head. As we are exchanging hugs, Bret arrives in full clown costume and proceeds to pull a four-foot iguana out of Judy’s lampshade hat. Judy feeds it a tangerine from her pocket. We all order happy hour cervezas which are delivered ice cold.
Suddenly, Rob sprints up from the direction of his office, wearing a Rolling Stones t-shirt and smelling deliciously of imported bay rum, with a hip flask of single malt scotch in one hand and a Dr. Pepper in the other. He hands his flask to Jared to hold for a second. Jared promptly swigs it down and refills it with mezcal from a huge, battered plastic 7-Up bottle he has tucked in the waistband of his shorts. Rob pulls an email from his pocket. It’s from Vancouver Tony, who is stranded at La Perla, where he accidentally fell into the parrot cage, although no one has yet noticed. We decide to leave him there, trusting he’ll manage to find a way to keep in touch. We are all startled by a commotion on the beach, where we are dismayed to find Curly and Roberto! in diapers, sumo wrestling for the rights to the last Sanka Grill taco. Sandy Beach pulls them apart, counseling peace, and convinces them to share, but soon they are scuffling again, this time over the whereabouts of the mysterious liquor warehouse.
In the nick of time, Tess arrives with nametags which we shuffle and randomly hand out, assuring that nobody knows who anybody is, except for Tacaño/Gary who puts on several different name tags, so we all know who he is. I happen to mention that my arm is itching from last night’s no-see-um strafing. Before I can reach to scratch it, I am being slathered with lime juice by Gretchen in a lime green bikini and a gunnysack of the Magic Green Citrus slung over her back. Jared pours a (very small) shot of mezcal for everyone, and we drink a toast to the three beautiful Ladies: Laura, Lucia, and Lupita. Marty and Betty arrive, still yawning from their siesta, and pass yogurt around for anyone with a wobbly tummy.
I feel someone tugging on my now sticky but itch-free arm. It’s Jerry, wondering whether my trip report is done yet. I explain that, sheesh, we’re still in the middle of the party, but he seems unconvinced and keeps tapping me on the shoulder, stopping only when I glare at him and mention meeting him in a dark alley some night. Just then, Lisa from Alaska appears, stands proudly upon the exhausted and prostrate bodies of Roberto! and Curly (one foot on each) and announces that she has purchased Alaska Airlines and will be offering a shuttle to Zihua every two months, with stops in Vancouver, Seattle, Portland, and points south (with a sideways shuttle through Colorado to Minnesota), and which will be free in perpetuity to all participants on ZihuaRob’s message board! Curly and Roberto! leap to their feet in joy, sending Lisa flying into the Mexican sky, where Larry (dangling overhead from a parasail) catches her safely. Curly bursts into song. Roberto! joins me and KR in announcing to the group that our offer for the vacant property north of the Sotavento has been joyfully accepted and each of us will receive a fan-cooled, balconied, palm-shaded and palapa-roofed indigenous bungalow on the lovingly cultivated hillside as part of our partnership.
This whole thing was caught on video by Bill Brown and will be available on the board very soon for anyone who can get QuickTime to work.
Saludos, amigos y amigas, and Happy April Fool’s Day!
(Oh, by the way, Jerry, the other Part 3 is on its way shortly…I got sidetracked.)