If you'd like to stoop lower

by Padrino ⌂ @, San Diego/Rosarito, Saturday, November 11, 2023, 16:06 (24 days ago) @ Timmac

A Russian scientist has recently been arrested for stealing seagulls from the state zoo in Vladivostok. His research revealed that if he fed freshly hatched seagulls to dolphins their life span was extended by 74%. Unfortunately his escape route led through the African veldt exhibit. The resident lions were busy eating an antelope and didn't notice him so he was successful in his quest. He is awaiting trial for "transporting young gulls across state lions for immortal porpoises."


A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am. The chief petty officer spied him and ordered the sailor to stop. Upon hearing the sailor's lame explanation for his tardiness, the officer ordered the sailor, "Take this broom and sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning or it's the brig for you! The sailor began to pick up the broom and commence performing his charge. As he began to sweep, a tern landed on the broom handle. The sailor yelled at the bird to leave, but it didn't. The lad picked the tern off the broom handle, giving the bird a toss. The bird left, only to return and light once again on the broom handle. The sailor went through the same routine all over again, with the same result. He couldn't get any cleaning done because he can only sweep at the chain once or twice before the blasted bird returns. When morning came, so did the chief petty officer, to check up on his wayward sailor. "What in the heck have you been doing all night? This chain is no cleaner than when you started! What have you to say for yourself, sailor?" barked the chief. "Honest, chief," came the reply, "I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a link!"

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