Certified STUPIDITY!

The "playa certificada" is something that looks great as an "achievement" on your resume if the folks reading the resume are clueless about tourism and especially about Zihuatanejo-Ixtapa's niche in it. It's supposed to mean the beach is "certified clean", since apparently no one here in public service can keep a beach clean without having to certify it first.

Keeping our beaches clean has always been a weakness of our local government. Local citizen groups used to pay to place trash bins on beaches, since the government had never done so in sufficient numbers, but then the government wouldn't remove the trash so the bins sat there overflowing. The local government has simply never been able to fine litterbugs or maintain our beaches clean until the "certified clean beaches" program with its BUDGET became available, then all of a sudden mountains moved and pigs flew and miracles seemed to happen because a special new budget became available in this paradise of non-accountability and zero transparency.

The federal government's national water commission known by its acronym as Conagua has convinced folks in the public and private sectors that tourists are looking for beaches certified as clean. After several years of this program here I have yet to meet or hear about one single tourist who came here because Playa El Palmar was "certificada" (though I know for a fact we have lost hundreds of tourists because of its restrictions, possibly thousands), but of course as we keep chasing our customary rather well-educated tourists away and replacing them with the typical dumbed down all-inclusive herd of cows who could care less about anything unique about Zihuatanejo-Ixtapa and are just looking for "bang for the buck" and to drink away their vacation by a pool, pretty soon they'll be brainwashed just perfectly to follow the bouncing ball and stay wherever they're told. Today it's the "certified beach", tomorrow it'll be the "certified vacation destination" with its "certified hotels" and its "certified servants" with their "certified smiles" speaking their "certified language" with their "certified accent" serving "certified cocktails" dressed in their "certified costumes" and wearing their "certified hair style" saying all the right "certified platitudes" to the "certified tourists" spending just enough of their "certified money" to keep the "certified investors" certifiably wealthy. I swear it almost makes me want to puke that people even fall for this crap!

Here are the "certified beach" rules. Sounds like a place where you can have absolutely NO FUN. Though I don't mind the part about banning the stupid flying incendiary devices (globos de cantoya) and leaving the wildlife alone.